NEW YORK — Can Men and Women Really Just Be Friends? Expert Says No

The question resurfaced after Jenny McCarthy and her husband, Donnie Wahlberg, debated on her podcast whether having an attractive male friend crosses a line, according to the New York Post. Susan Trombetti, a relationship expert and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking in Maryland, told Fox News Digital that attraction by itself does not threaten most friendships — but the origin of those friendships often does.

What started the debate?

The McCarthy-Wahlberg exchange reopened a long-running argument about whether platonic closeness between men and women is possible once physical attraction enters the picture. Trombetti's answer, as reported by the Post, is layered: noticing someone is good-looking is not the same as acting on it, and recognizing attractiveness in a friend does not amount to infidelity on its own.

Can attraction and friendship coexist?

Trombetti said yes, up to a point. "I think we can be friends with hot people," she told Fox News Digital, "but a lot of times, I believe that friendship started with a sexual interest or romantic interest, and the timing wasn't right or the other person wasn't interested in them." In her framing, many opposite-sex friendships that look purely platonic on the surface began with one person hoping for more.

"I don't think women and men can ever truly be friends. I think it was always a sexual undertone that sparked the friendship and a foot-in-the-door for something more, [even if] it's 20 years from now." — Susan Trombetti, Exclusive Matchmaking

That view does not mean every such friendship is doomed or dishonest, according to Trombetti. Some people maintain the relationship while leaving open the possibility that circumstances — timing, availability, interest — could change years later.

When does a friendship become a problem?

The distinction Trombetti draws is between awareness and action. Finding a friend attractive is not, by her account, a betrayal of a partner. The risk comes when that awareness deepens into emotional intimacy that a person would not want their partner to see — confiding secrets, seeking validation, or prioritizing the friend's opinion over a spouse's. She called the boundary between ordinary attraction and an emotional affair "a slippery slope," particularly when one person in the friendship starts filling needs that belong in the primary relationship.

Does this mean opposite-sex friendships can't last?

Nothing in Trombetti's comments, as reported, suggests every male-female friendship collapses into romance or betrayal. Her point is narrower: the original motivation for the friendship, even if buried or one-sided, is frequently romantic or sexual rather than purely circumstantial. Whether that history matters depends on how both people — and their partners, if they have one — handle the emotional boundaries as the friendship continues.

The Post's report does not cite data on how often opposite-sex friendships turn romantic or how often they stay platonic for decades; Trombetti's comments reflect her professional observation as a matchmaker, not a cited study.

Artiglio is A coming-soon iPhone chief of staff for briefings and drafts. Not on the App Store yet.